"The first recipient of your loving kindness and compassion is you ... You feel love, your heart expands" Kelly McGonagal, The Science of Compassion, 2016
In the 4th Chapter of McGonagal's book,she describes how studies have demonstrated that even if one cannot take away the suffering of another, connecting with one's own compassionate intention for that person, does benefit them. This post on my blog discusses chapter 4 of her book, with some thoughts of my own.
Benefits of compassionate intention
Researchers in a study based at Wigforce University put two people into a room, one of whom was experiencing distress and the other being an experienced compassion meditator. They both read a book, however the meditator was, covertly, meditating with the focus on loving kindness thoughts such as "may you be safe and secure", "may you be free from suffering" for 10 minutes. In another condition, the meditator also used touch, (although this was not covert). Both the touch condition and the meditation condition resulted in the other person experiencing reduced levels of stress and greater levels of peacefulness.
As a personal example, I have experienced physiological changes when my partner meditates, which he does every morning. This can be very tangible. At times I know he does Tonglen meditation and does this towards me. It is not just at these times though, that I feel changes in myself as he is meditating. I do feel maybe there is something else to it. Something about the concentrated regular breathing and his calmness and focus, which seems to fill the room.
Another study described by McGonigal looked at how having a compassionate mindset can reduce a persons physical pain. Doctors were trained to have a particularly compassionate presence when seeing a person who had a cold. Those who had more compassionate treatement were assessed later as having an improved immune response. Somehow simply being seen by kind and caring presence activates a persons ability to heal.
Communicating Compassion
Clearly then, how we feel, think and act towards a person, is of great importance in helping them through times of distress, even if we are not able to offer practical assistance. So what is the best way for us to communicate our compassionate intention to others? Well, perhaps unsurprisingly, the answer turns out to be our body language. Being an attentive and friendly listener. This includes being in an open position, making appropriate amounts of eye contact, making encouraging gestures such as head nodding, and smiling.
These are basically the requirements made of counsellors, in fact, any kind of therapist in their training, so I think that there is more to it in compassion focussed therapy. the internal intention must be present in the therapist so that it can be communciated by the physical characteristics of the therapist.
Least compassionate actions are signalled by avoidance or withdrawal. Really low is manipulating objects whilst the person is talking, signalling that one is distracted or bored.
Compassion is primarily about tuning attention to one who is suffering. People are good at recognising what compassion looks like, and also recognising compassionate touch.
McGonical describes another study, of 206 families with teenage children by Oklahoma University. Interactions were studied during difficult conversations. Researchers tracked signs of compassion in the caregiver to see how this affected the teenager. Criteria under examination were the openess of the body language, physical communication, smiles, and the tone of voice. 1 minute after a compassionate communication, both caregiver and teen experienced physiological changes indicating increased regulation.
Affects of Anger and Sadness on Compassion
In the Oklahoma study it was found that when the caregiver showed signs of anger the teenager showed disregulated response. The result was not the same for sadness. Communications of sadness can be done usefully in a compassionate way, however anger can not, and invariably the result of displays of anger by the carer is dysregulation in the teenager. McGonigal states that this is because anger is recieved personally.
Implications for dramatherapy
I would add that dramatherapy can be different from some other therapies in that it often is non-verbal, and in individual therapy the dramatic play tends to be dyadic and dynamic - that is both client and therapist are involved in the processes of the therapy, which can play out in a wide range of energies. Of course, the client does at times verbally share information about their lives, the dramatherapist then listens attentivelys in an attuned, interested and compassionate way. However the relational element in individual dramatherapy plays out through sometimes very energetic scenes; for instance as the client improvises scenes or stores, this is supported by active participation by the therapist. The important thing is that the therapist mirrors the client, following the lead from the client, and is available to the client to be whatever the client needs them to be in the drama. The drama itself is always done in a compassionate way - even if the drama is about topics that can be very distressing, such as murder, bullying or loss. The client always has the power in the dramas. In this way, using play and drama to bring themes that are distressing to the client into the room, can help to ensure that the way that the client explores these themes is done in a compassionate and mindful way, making the material acceptable to the client and not overwhelming. If the therapist did not get involved in the action, the client would be less likely to be able to enter the drama, and feel less safe when they do. The implication of using drama is that the therapist must be able to be even more attuned to changes in the energy of the clients mood, and ready to respond in the most appropriate way to these. This also brings to the fore the need for the therapist to be able to clearly distinguish between her own internal processes and those that she percieves to be active in the client.
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